The Day The Internet Died aka The Week I Killed the Internet

What's your first reaction when looking at this photo?

Probably nothing, looks like it was taken by mistake. Well over the next couple hours, I'm going to explain to you how this picture killed the internet.

Ok, I know what you are thinking, "What the hell are you talking about, the internet is still working, how the hell else would I be reading this, you crazy boozed up jack-ass?" Well, first of all, screw you and second of all, go to hell, but third of all, and most importantly, let me explain. Let's take a trip back in time, all the way back to, well, last week, it actually wasn't that far back, so whatever, I made it more dramatic then it needed to be, so what, just keep reading, stop questioning me you jerk.

A little over a week ago after a surprise birthday party which I attended and spent more time at that I was planning on and should have been there, although I did have a tasty Tasty Burger, which other people apparently had problems with, but that's another story for another time, I decided to take a trip on the late night T aka MBTA and mayor Marty Walsh's attempt to appease the masses, let's forget the increase in fees for a minute. Anyway, I don't actually live in Boston anymore, so as far as I'm concerned, Marty Walsh can be Marty Jannetty'd for all I care. But, I will say, late night T service is kinda cool, except when you should have left earlier and in the past, would have had to in order to catch the T, but instead you stay for longer. Now, none of this actually mattered, but, because of the internet and smart phones and the instant access to everything that everyone has and needs these days, it did. Don't get me wrong, I'm just as bad as the next guy I use it just as much as anyone, which I will clearly demonstrate in these next few paragraphs or by the fact that you are even reading this, but my view on this is just slightly skewed as opposed to most, apparently. Anyway, while waiting for the T late night, which took forever, I took a picture and posted it on instagram:

I added some hashtags, cause that's what you are supposed to do these days, but unlike most people, who try and have them make sense, I like to mess around, but  in general there is some reasoning behind them, so let's break these down in a segment I like to call: "Late Night Hashtags Breakdown with Greg"
#latenightt - pretty self explanatory, I was waiting for a late night t, ok, off to a good start
#minnie - my dog Minnie, who I had to get back to cause I was taking care of her, still going good here.
#dumb - Ok, here is where things might get confusing, what's dumb? Well, I was dumb cause I stayed too long and left Minnie home along for too long, Minnie doesn't like being home alone for too long, she can go a little stir crazy and tear the house apart, it doesn't end well, I know this all too well.
#whathell - ok, this one is actually kinda interesting, cause it was because the T was taking forever, but if you look at it, what the hell is what I meant, but look what happens when you combine what and hell, there is a the in the middle, so that is what that was about
#figureitout - for those that didn't get #whathell, wanted you to figure it out
#90snick - well, Figure It Out was a game show that aired on Nick in the 90s, which starred Olympic swimming gold medalist Summer Sanders, here's a clip if you don't remember it:

#blewyourmind - the random reference had to have blown your mind, cause, what?
#stilldumb - I'm still dumb for leaving late

Ok, so eventually the T shows up and I get home and to follow up, I post this on instagram:

Yes, Minnie was fine and didn't destroy the house, but I was still dumb for leaving her alone as long as I did.

Ok, except for someone wondering what my hashtags meant, cause they didn't Figure It Out, didn't really think anything of this, kinda forgot I even posted these. But later these would come back. But first...

On Tuesday, I was surfing the internet and on Yahoo! I saw my horoscope, thought it was interesting and decided to post it to facebook and make a little joke about it, what resulted I was not prepared for:

Yes, 80 comments, most of which were just from a Jabroni, a Jamoke and a Bozo, but still, this lead to more than just that, this inspired the hottest, fastest growing website on the internet these days:
GIORGIOSCOPE
Check it out.

So, after that ridiculous exchange that shutdown facebook for a while, or maybe not, the internet was severely injured, but it was not done yet.

Ok, then on Thursday, I get a text out of nowhere from someone asking me if Minnie was ok cause my hashtags were alarming. Um, what? Yeah, Minnie is fine, what hashtags, what the hell is going on? I never realized that people took so much stock into hashtags, but duly noted. I dug a little deeper and apparently a bunch of people were concerned for Minnie, took 6 days for anyone to actually say anything, which I found odd, but hey, whatever. I had to send out this picture to prove that she was fine:

 

I then as a joke sent a snapchat, that replaced the time and date with #sendhelp. I don't have a picture of this, cause IT'S SNAPCHAT, the whole point is that you send the picture and then it's gone, but you know what, people you send them to can take screenshots and while snapchat will tell you that they did that, there is nothing you can do about. That's total BS in my mind. I'm not sure if snapchat technically counts as part of the internet, but for these purposes, I'm gonna count it, and snapchat's BS has cut the internet and it's bad.

This then leads to yesterday, after a night that was filled with selfies and pictures of pictures of pictures and something called French Girls, which you take a selfie and then someone somewhere draws a picture of it and sends it back to you. What? Yup, and whatever else took place. I decided, let's have some fun, let's see if I can kill the internet, and in my mind, what happened far exceeded my expectations. Let me explain, I decided, rather than take a nice or interesting picture and let it stand on its own merits, which probably wouldn't have been looked at twice, might have gotten a like or two, but ultimately would just be forgotten. What if I take a terrible picture of absolutely nothing and just put any and every hashtag on it that I can think of and see what happens. Well, here is what went down. I was once again on the late night t, no rush this time, didn't need to get back for Minnie, she was all set. I took the picture at the beginning of this post, which was just of the ground, I don't know what that thing is, didn't care, didn't matter, wasn't the point. I then posted it to instagram as well as twitter and facebook.

I then proceeded to just type in # and then went one by one letter by letter and number by number and see what populated and added it as a hashtag, I threw a couple of my own in as well, but I'm honestly not sure where all these came from, some of them I had used, but some of them I have never used before, so not sure why they came out, also ones that I know I have used in the past didn't come up, weird. Anyway, here where the hashtags:

Now, within moments I already had 6 likes, just random people, but still, what the hell are they liking this photo for, at whatever the hell time in the morning it was nonetheless? This photo is crap, it has no reason for even being on the internet. Then the comments started, why is anyone commenting on this photo, there is nothing to comments on, this photo is nothing. Well, it's simple, it's all about the hashtags. Now, unlike last week, there wasn't really any reasoning for most of these hashtags, but you know what, let's break them down anyway, in a segment I once again like to call "Late Night Hashtags Breakdown with Greg"
#wcw - now this one is confusing to me, cause wcw to me means something completely different than what it means in hashtag form. Apparently it means Woman Crush Wednesday, so if you have a crush on a woman, you #wcw in a picture of them or something. It came up when I typed in #w
#whathell - already explained this one
#wwe - obviously, can't #wcw and not #wwe
#ecw - again, see above
#tbt - throwback thursday, you post an old picture and #tbt to let people know it's an older picture, and you can look at it with great fondness and think back to a time where you didn't suck as much as you do now.
#thisiswhyidoit - this one goes back to me getting back to Minnie last week, I don't really know
#tracidoesboston - This is one of those weird ones that I can not explain, it just came up, I've never used it before, so I have no idea where it came from
#sky - You know cause that's a thing and all
#stilldumb - already explained this one
#spindoctors - went to see the spin doctors a couple weeks ago, it was a good time, they played their hits, unlike the band I saw last night Los Lobos, who didn't play La Bamba, seriously? how the hell do they not play La Bamba, play La Bamba you jerks.
#dipfail - this goes back to July 3rd, I spilled scolding hot dip on my foot, it burned me pretty bad, was anyone concerned, not really, too worried about the dip and snapchatting the incident, it's cool, almost lost a foot, but glad some random person who doesn't know me got to see my foot being burnt, and everyone got to enjoy what was left of the dip. Hey, it's good dip, I don't blame you.
#dumb - already explained this one, or maybe I was listening to Nirvana, ever think of that?
#figureitout - You still haven't, have you?
#fbf - this one stands for Flashback Friday, it's for those people that missed out on Throwback Thursday, which begs the question why isn't there a #wbw for Wayback Wednesday, maybe cause of the whole Woman Crush thing? Do I actually have that right, maybe Women are just supposed to drink Crush that day, not sure, anyway....
#gregisawesome - Clearly....
#janistheworst - Ugh, Jan is the worst, like seriously, the worst.
#latenightt - I was on the late night t, but it came up cause of last week,
#littlemisscantbewrong - Spin Doctors, again, sang their hits, Los Lobos, you could learn a thing or two, play La Bamba dammit.
#clairesucks - Again, this one just came up when I put in #c, no clue as to where it came from, have never used it before
#blamegreg - this one got used in a photo that I took and got messed up by shadows that I apparently caused, even though I totally didn't, gah!
#clouds - cause they also exist
#blewyourmind - already went over this one, but has your mind been blown or what?
#90s - Hey remember the 90s? I do clearly
#90snick - See
#minnie - She's the best
#dontreadtomuchintohashtags - forgot an o, but whatever, the point is still a good one, don't do it, they are just dumb hashtags and if you do, you are....
#jerks - Stop being jerks
#didit - Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
#haha  - This whole thing was a joke and a social experiment, we all failed

Wow, that was a lot of hashtags, oh and just to complete this madness, this was the reaction on faeebook.

I kinda cheated on this one cause I commented, and I have no idea if that photo got the most likes ever on instagram, who cares, but I will say, I actually have some pretty nice photos of snow covered mountains, sunsets, beaches and such, but no hashtags and they might get a like or 2, but that's not what it's all about, it's about the hashtags, making noise and getting people talking. You got to rattle some cages if you want to get traffic, that's just the way it is.

Ok, so what's this all about, am I bitching, am I complaining, well kinda, this whole thing is kinda stupid if you ask me, and I know, as Pearl Jam once told us, "Can't escape from the common rule, if you hate something, don't you do it too...too." Now I've always kind of done it as a joke and mockingly, but obviously that hasn't come across very clear, so you know what, I'm done. Done with what? Done, posting on facebook, done instagraming, done tweeting, done snapchatting, done liking anything or commenting on anything or checking in anywhere, the internet to me is dead, I killed it, Now, unlike some people who go all nuts and delete their accounts and what not, not going to do that, gonna keep them open, will probably peruse, I mean twitter is where I get my news from these days anyway.

So that's it, if you are still reading this, congrats and I hope you enjoyed it or at least got the explanation that you were looking for as to what the hell exactly that all was. This will be my last blog post, I know I've said that before, but I think I really mean it this time, it kinda goes along with all the other stuff I'm gonna stop doing.Thank you.

#done